Rishid, Where Do Babies Come From? Version 2!
by fOX-SPIRIT AKA Y.V Obaa-chan
Summary: (Reposting)The ancient scriptures have taught Malik about the Sennen Item's, the Pharaoh and his destiny...as for babies and other things...well, that's what Rishid is for!
1. Where Do Babies Come From?

307 reviews down the crapper!! X.X;;; YES! RISHID WAS TAKEN DOWN! (Cries) due to grammar mistakes….BUT I SHALL GIVE NOT GIVE UP!! IF someone did report I got a message for you!! I SHALL NOT STAND DEFEATED!! I WILL CONTINUE IN GIVING SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE CAN LAUGH AT AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR THEN SOR-RY!!! So yeah, I'm going to repost ALL of Rishid again…as soon as I can! Ah man…I can't make my faces either--that's what makes Rishid (Grumbles) I won't give up!

Since it was taken down due to grammar spelling etc etc, I'm going to fix my mistakes and maybe add some new thing in the chapters.

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NOTE: THIS WILL BE RATED R!!! IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT THEN DON'T REPORT ME AND RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE!! IF IT'S TOO HOT GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!

Do not own Y-G-O

ACTION!!

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Everything was peaceful here, I'm so glad that Miss Isis decided to remain in Japan it's quite a beautiful place, and we are allowed freedom. Battle city was over and everything remain quiet….most of the times anyways…… 

"RISHID!!!"

Ugh, bitch master a.k.a Malik-sama calls me…I must beckon to him…beckon…what kind of word is beckon? Oh well, I'll ponder it later but now Malik-sama needs me.

"RISHID!!!!"

Eeeeesh all right already, I heard you the first time. I sighed to myself as I walked to the living room "Rishid, I have to do chores today" he spoke. And? Why the hell did you…oh….lazy bastard. "As you wish…Malik-sama," I said his name through gritted teeth as he hand me a couple of rubber gloves, a scrubby, and Ajax.

"I have to watch the toilets today"

……

……

……

Bitch……

2 hours later

I never want to wash toilets ever again…EVER!!! I dropped myself on the couch, my arms were sore, my head ached and ugh…. The things Malik-sama flushes down the toilet, gee, has he ever heard of a trashcan? I hope Miss Isis comes back soon, she usually had Malik -sama whip…

Ker-snap heh heh

"Rishid…"

I looked up trying not to give my master a death glare "Yes?' I said calmly. You heraphmadite. He looked at me nervously, his were averted from me. This could be serious….

"What is it, Malik-Sama?"

I began to worry now as he looks at the floor trying to spit it out, maybe he did something he shouldn't have done……….what am I saying?

"Rishid…"

"Yes, Malik sama"

"Where do babies come from?"

……..

…….

…….

……

…….You have got to be kidding me……

"Malik-sama what?" I ask. Malik fidgeted nervously "I said….do you know where babies come from?" He spoke again. Holy crap…he's _serious. _I gave a nervous cough "Um Malik-sama, you do not know about the…." What was that term...oh yes!

"Birds and the bees??"

"Well, I was going to ask Dad but I went Marik and killed him, then there was my obsession with killing that damn pharaoh and becoming the new pharaoh of the world--so yeah, I never had it explained to me…until now" He finish, looking at me intently.

Gulp

Miss. Isis where are you when I need you? I looked around, alas she did not appear. Damn her and her ladies day out……

"Well? Where do they come from? I know that there's a guy and a girl but that's it."

I groaned. Of all the ancient scriptures we had, of all the books he read, he couldn't come across a book explaining the mating process…ah yes father, you must be laughing your head off, watching me suffer in that big screen TV you're watching in hell right now. But I am Malik's faithful servant so I must do as he says.

"Malik sama I think you should sit down for this one." Malik eyes suddenly brighten up as he flopped on the couch. I looked at him….he must really be anxious….ugh, Rishid just got the willies. I cleared my throat as he looked at me waiting…. Whoo boy, how should I explained this, hmm maybe I should do it all fatherly like. After all I am his guardian so yeah I'm like a father…er no, father was a evil bastard who never loved me and is now burning in hell heheheheheheheheheee…err like a big brother, yeah that's it….

"Malik, it's obvious that you have already undergone some _changes_"

"I know that know I want to know how does that fit with babies coming from?"

…………………….How can this kid be so evil, so unstable and still haven't found out where babies came from; the idea is simply preposterous! I need a beer…we don't have any…damn Isis and her zero alcohol tolerance….

I cleared my throat again "Well Malik-sama you've already seen that girls are VERY different from boys, like that girl Anzu…"

Oops now I've done it.

"ANZU!!! Why did you say her name huh huh? Are you seeing her behind my back Rishid are you? HUH!!!" he snarled now shaking me. Weeeeeee the walls are shaking…my head hurts….I'm losing brain cells…but the walls are shaking…heh cool.

Ding Dong

Malik stopped shaking me, much to my great relief. Ow, my head….it throbs….him and his infatuation with that girl….but she is pretty cute. I am going to kiss whoever rang the doorbell.

(SMOOCH!!!)

"RAPE!!!!!!!!!"

"N-No you don't understand"

"I'VE BEEN MOLESTED BY A OLD MAN!!! HE TOUCH ME IN MY SPECIAL PLACE!!"

((O-O));;;;;;;

"Yuugi, what are you doing here?" Malik-sama asks, his arms crossed looking at him with dislike. "DAMN IT I'M NOT A FAG!!! MY YAMI IS!" he cried out now rubbing his lips. "Thousand apologies Yuugi" I immediately spoke bowing my head. I hope the pharaoh doesn't come out and kills me for touching his aibou.... I just kissed him…but only because he save me from my psychotic master strangling me

"I just brought Isis groceries over" he began. Malik-sama gave him a very frightening look. "And what were you doing with my sister's groceries hmmm?" He ask, acid lacing he word he spoke. I winced, Malik had a sister complex…it wasn't a very nice sight to see.

"Uh she told me too?" Yuugi said innocently but I knew what Malik-sama was planning…it seemed he still has a little grudge against him and Yami….and of currently as of right Yuugi you fool, pump those legs before he crush's your head with a rock!

…..

…..

No one ever listens to the scary bald guy do they now? This is a job for SUPER RISHID!!!

DADADADAAAAAAAA!!!

I need a life away from super man comics…"Malik-sama, don't you still want to know about the birds and the bees?" I quickly said. "Oh yeah, of course I do!" he exclaimed forgetting Yuugi was there. Phew, I save the day again.

"Hey you know where babies come from? Can you tell me too…?"

…….

oO

…….

Oo

……

=.=

This is not happening…this is NOT happening…there is no freaking way Yuugi doesn't not know about babies! …On second thought…it not very shocking but still, I mean he has his grandpa…

Lazy bastard

"You don't know either? Hey Rishid will gladly explain it to us both, RIGHT Rishid?" Malik-sama said, putting on a puppy look. I cringed; curse him and his puppy look.

Beware the puppy look indeed…

I slowly nodded my head while Yuugi entered our home; he dropped the groceries down and sat on the floor cross-legged along with Malik-sama staring at me….

I wish they wouldn't do that…..

"ER hrm, now boys, you have feelings that may feel awkward but it's all part of growing up and your part in the miracle of life"

There, that should clear some thing's up and yet…..there still looking at me…with blank faces……I hate my life….how can I explain it to them in a way they'll understand……

(LIGHT BULB)

OF COURSE!!! Why didn't I see it before!?! WOOT!! Er hrm I mean…….

"…….."

Now if Yugi is so kind…

"Yuugi, may I see your deck for a moment please?" I ask. "Ok" he said and took it out, handing it to me. That's one thing I like about Yuugi, he's very respectful to his elders unlike SOME blonde pain in the asses Egyptians, yet I still love him like a little brother but….that doesn't make me his bitch!

……

…..

…..

…..

Shut-up you (he means the readers)

I meant you (…………)

Now both where looking at me confused "Hey, Duel Monsters have something to do with where babies come from?" Yuugi exclaim, shock and excited. "Err, no, but they will help me explain" I simply replied while Malik-sama gave a yawn. "I'm bboooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred," he wailed.

How about I bored you're ass a new one Malik-sama…

Breathe in…breathe out Rishid…remember the anger management classes. I will not kill my master I will not kill my UNGRATEFUL master…happy place, happy place…. much better.

I searched through his deck until I found what I needed, now to explain the birds and the bee's….I wonder why they call it birds and bees? Birds and bees could not mate, if they would then the world would have been taken over by half bee half bird mutants that thrived on human flesh………….ok…. Where was I? Oh yes babies (n.n)

I took out the Dark Magician and showed it to the two boys before me. "Now you know that the Dark Magician is a MALE monster card yes?"

::nod nod::

I then took out another monster card "And this is a female duel monster; Dark Magician Girl, right?"

::nod nod::

So far so good, now for the embarrassing part about using duel monster cards as an example...the visuals… "Now we know the basics: Dark Magician is a boy and Dark Magician Girl is a…girl"

::nod nod::

"Ok then, when two Duel monster like each other, they go in an act of courting also known as going on dates" I began to explain.

"Question!"

"Yes Malik-Sama?"

"Why? I thought duel monsters just destroy each other? Besides, Dark Magician Girl would go soooo much better with Celtic Guardian" he explained. Yuugi shook his head at this "What's wrong with Dark Magician!?!" little Yuugi exclaimed. Malik snorted at him "Dude, Dark Magician is so freaking scrawny! And he wears a high slit skirt! Celtic guardian is so much better; he's not a cross-dresser!!"

"You're crazy! Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl are made for each other!" Yuugi fought back. Malik-sama made a face "Tch, if you're into child molestation" he replied. Yuugi made a frown at this "Hey! We're not talking about Pegasus!" he exclaimed.

O.O uh….I better put a stop to this…

"Well, DM and DMG like each other, so there"

Yuugi made a grin "Told ya!" he said happily while Malik-sama just sulked at his loss.

"Now" I started making the cards move…oh Ra, I'm making the cards move….what next?

"Hey Dark Magician thank you for the great time"

"Don't mention it sweet cheeks"

O.o

o.O

--;; eh heh heh…..great now I'm making their voices oh well, at least they understanding it…sorta….

(Meanwhile with Yuugi and Malik)

Malik-_O.o what the hell is Rishid doing? What does this have to do with babies?_

Yuugi_- O.o what is he doing with my cards…is he raping them too?_

(Back to Rishid)

STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!! Must….remain…in…control…breathe…breath….there, better. "Now Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl have been going out for a long time and Dark Magician thinks it's time for him to pop the question" I explain and slightly bend the Dark Magician card.

"YOU FIEND WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?"

I quickly straightened it out anyway…" Dark Magician Girl, will you marry me?" I said as DM. I slightly cleared my voice "OH YES DARK MAGICIAN, I WILL" I now said in a high pitch girly voice (lol can you imagine Rishid with a girly high pitched voice?) Then I pressed the two cards together making kissing sounds. I looked up seeing Malik and Yuugi look a bit disturbed by what they saw.

Hmm perhaps I'm enjoying this too much

……

…..

…..

NAH!!

"Question"

"Yes Yuugi?"

"How was their wedding?" He ask. Kid come on, you're killing me "Very nice" I said, he wasn't going to get anything else from me.

"Question"

I'm am getting tired of these question… "Yes…Malik….sama…?' I said through gritted teeth. "

What does this have to do with babies?"

"First they court, then they married then they have SEX!!!" I shouted out. Malik and Yuugi eyes widened; finally something they know about!

"What's sex?" they both said in unison.

………….

………….

………….

Father you must be enjoying yourself….lucky bastard. I sighed to myself

"Sex is how babies are made" I said calmly.

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…………….HOW??"

GULP

The question I fear…the process.. I quickly took out a polymerization card "This" I said and met with confused glances. They fused together?" Malik ask. "Well, yes and no erhm they fuse into one being…they er…fuse at the bottom…of their bodies…at the front…" I saw Malik-Sama's eyes widened along with Yuugi's.

"So our…"

"Yes"

"Is suppose to..?"

"Yes"

Well that certainly shut them up.

"To create a baby, which will grow inside Dark Magician Girl's stomach for nine months, and then you have a baby and that's how babies are made!" I finished I wouldn't bother going into the labor process; I'll let them find that out when they're married heh heh. Both boys just stared at me I expected this reaction but I felt smug I actually got through it so WOOOOOOOT!!

………

……..

…….

Silence…utter silence…then…

"Hey, what happens when two girls get together?" Malik-Sama asked.

What?

"How about two guys? Will they still make a baby?" Yuugi also asked.

"Yeah, I mean, if a man and a woman can make a baby why not two guy's or two girls?" Malik-Sama inquired. Yuugi nodded at this "Hey! What about if it's a man, a man, and a woman?" Malik-sama asked to me.

((OO))

"No.."

"Why--"

"Just no!" ehg things kids come up these days, just horrifying I tell you! "There, now you know" I spoke; no more questions. Just then, I heard a knock. "Who is it now?" I grumbled and opened the door.

"Anzu-san what are you doing here?" I ask.

All of the sudden I saw a blond whirl past by me, grabbing the girl and taking her upstairs "ANZU I WANT TO SHOW YOU WHAT RISHID JUST TAUGHT ME AND YUUGI"

Oh my Ra, this is not happening, if I close my eyes and sing a tune it will all go away….lalalalalalalaladoodoodoodoodoodoo….

"Hey Malik can I show her too?"

"ME FIRST!!!"

"Geez you guys, can't you share?" I heard her say, completely having no clue of the evil I just unleashed wait a minute….{[O]}O{[O]};;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo

MALIK-SAMA COME BACK!!!

The things I do for family…

End

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And there you have it. The reposting of the beginning with more to come! And yes it shall be rated R because chapter seven is the err…R one. PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW!! I want to make a goal of reaching 1000 with this, which was unfortunately crushed T-T 

Bye bye

fOX


	2. O and P!

Hellos and welcome back to Rishid Version 2!! Yeah thanks for the reviews everyone with your help I'm sure I can reach the 1000 goal, if this doesn't get taken down again X-X please don't let that happen Xx;; now please enjoy chapter 2!

Special thank you to Talentless for beta-reading this (HUGS) thankies!

ACTION!!

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"Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala-"

"Rishid?"

"Doo-do-doododo-do do-"

"RISHID!!"

I was snapped from my thoughts, only to meet the angered face of Ms. Isis...the most frightening face a man would face if she were angry…which she is.

She looked to me, and then her eyes went to Malik-sama, Yuugi, and the currently wigged out Mazaki whose face had been flushed the entire time.

"Rishid, do you care to explain?" she asked.

GULP!!

"Well Miss Isis, it all started when…."

FLASH!!

MY EYES! I'M BLINDEDED!! ARGH damn these flashback sequences! Was Kids WB to cheap to get better effects?………

……

…...

No wonder I'm Malik-sama's bitch…I can't even get a good job ::sigh:: where was I? Oh yes, as you peeps currently knew, I had just finish explaining to Yuugi and Malik-sama about the birds and the bees and…uh…do the flash thingy…I'm too tired to speak…

!!!FLASH!!!

XoX too bright…

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(Flashback mode!)

All of the sudden I saw a blond whirl past by me grabbing the girl and taking her upstairs "ANZU! I WANT TO SHOW YOU WHAT RISHID JUST TAUGHT ME AND YUUGI!!"

Oh my god this is not happening, if I close my eyes and sing a tune it will all go away…lalalalalalalaladoodoodoodoodoodoo…

"Hey Malik? Can I show her too?"

"ME FIRST!!!"

"Geez you guys, can't you share?" I heard her say, having no clue of the evil I just unleashed.

Wait a minute...

{[O]}O{[O]};;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo MALIK-SAMA COME BACK!!!

"The things I do for family." I muttered. I quickly went after my master and his short enemy as they dragged the girl to his…room.

……………

…………

………

……

Should I be worried? I mean Yuugi's there, and he seem to be a well balanced kid (unlike Malik-sama) and there's also that Anzu girl…I'm sure she would just slap them and tell them to back off.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn."

Or as I always say:

"Hell hath no fury like Isis pms'ing" Terrifying indeed.

Yeah I'm sure I'll hear a sound of a slap, Anzu yelling "Hentai!" and Malik-sama coming down with a big red mark on his face while Yuugi is apologizing to her. Yes, that's it, I'll give them a minute. She won't allow this! (n.n)

…………

n-n

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n-n

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n-n

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n-n

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n-n

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nn

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nn;;

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Uh

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--. o --.

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O-o

…………

o-O

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#o#;;;;;;;

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OK…everything's quiet…too quiet…[{O]}-------{[O}];;;; you don't think she's-? I mean, this is Anzu Mazaki, she would never uh… … …would she???

…

…

…

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**

**(Beginning of Worst Case Scenario...)**

"That's right Malik; who's your master?" Anzu spoke dominantly as she looked downed on the Egyptian boy below her. "You are, master" Malik spoke back. The brunette licked her lips. "Lick my boots servant," she said.

Malik eagerly began sliding his tongue over her boots.

"That's right, who's my puppy?" she asked.

"I'm your puppy master," he pleaded. She smiled to him "Now that's a good boy; now start taking off you clothes and let mommy make you feel nice!"

"Yes, make me feel nice master…."

**(End worse case scenario)**

* * *

MALIK-SAMA!!!!

WHY THE HELL WAS MISS ANZU IN A DOMINATRIX OUTFIT!? WHAT AM I THINKING! I MUST SAVE MALIK-SAMA!!!

I began to run up the stairs in a panicked daze. ISIS IS GOING TO CASTRATE ME!!! OH MY RA!! What are they doing!? What if Anzu was like Malik, and didn't know how babies were made? Then…then….

* * *

**(Yet another worst-case scenario)**

"Uhm Malik are you sure that's suppose to go there?"

"Yuugi, I know what I'm doing!"

"Hmmmmm, if we don't know lets ask someone who does," said Anzu. All three looked to each other.

"RISHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIDDDD!!!!"

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**(End worst-case scenario)**

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………………………….**

Japan needs some Sex Ed. classes, or at least parents who tell their kids these kinds of things. Or what if she did know and--NO!! DO not think of it Rishid!!! I'm sure I'm just overreacting…yeah…just breathe calmly…overreacting…

"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

''''''''''(((((((OoO)))))))))'''''''

Or not…that sounded like Anzu…then that must have meant…uh….

_-Flash back-_

_I quickly took out a polymerization card "This," I said and met with confused glances. "They fused together?" Malik ask. "Well, yes, and no…erhm they fuse into one being…they, er…fuse at the bottom…of their bodies……at the front…." I saw Malik eyes widened along with Yuugi's._

_"So our……"_

_"Yes."_

_"Is supposed to……?"_

_"Yes."_

_-End Flashback on flashback-_

"Hey Yuugi show her too, don't get left out!!"

"Sure!!"

"You guys……..I don't………think……we……."

Silence.

……

Oo

……

OO

……

HOLY CRAP THEY'RE RAPING ANZU IN A HOT HEAVY ORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY'RE BETTER NOT BE PIE INVOLVED IN THIS!!!!! WHAT AM I SAYING!? THAT POOR GIRL!! AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!

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**(Beginning of worst case scenario)**

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

**(Oo Due to the graphicness of the W.C.S. we now bring you a random daydream from Rishid!)**

"SAILOR MOON, WATCH OUT!" Sailor Venus exclaimed as her leader took another hit from the enemy yoma. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU FOOLS WILL BE DESTROYED!" Snarled the yoma and with it's minions suddenly lunged upon the sailor senshi.

"This is it!" Usagi exclaimed closing her eyes. A scream erupted from the monster making the girl open her eyes seeing that the yoma and its minions had retreated from them thoroughly wounded.

A rose struck to the pavement.

"What!?"

Then as if on cue, an orchestra playing a heroic theme entered. A shadow appeared from the moonlight looking down upon the scene of battle.

"I am--"he began.

"The Helldragon?" Mina asked to the figure. The figure fell down in result.

"DO I LOOK LIKE A DRAGON TO YOU!?" Rishid exclaimed.

**(End random daydream)**

* * *

O-o Helldragon……? Where the fuck did Helldragon come from? …Anyway…I MUST CONTINUE MY QUEST TO SAVE ANZU FROM THE ORGY AND PIE!

I quickly ran up thinking of all the horrible things my master and that midget was doing to that poor, poor girl…or could it be the other way around? I mean, what If Anzu and Yuugi teamed up and…my poor innocent Malik-sama…I MUST SAVE HIM FROM THEIR EVIL CLUTCHES!!!! But what if Malik is the mastermind? He had (has?) an infatuation with her…what if…what if…then Yuugi's there, so they must be having one! Oh my God…Father, I hate you! This is all your fault! Why did you have to assume Malik would never need to know about this!?

Lazy bastard!!!!

I was about to burst through the door, then….

"Hey we should have Rishid in on this too, he's the one who taught us!"

"You're right Malik, isn't that right Anzu?"

0--o;;; Rishid…back away from the door…back away…do not make any sudden movements…or loud noises…WHAT AM I SAYING!? This has got to stop now!!! OK man, this is it, you will stop this at any cost!!

Besides…I could always gouge out my eyes later on. OK THEN!!

And a one...

Two...

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAA!!! (O.O;;; Rishid's battle cry……)

-DOOSH-

Ow…I'm going to feel that in the morning…my poor head...

"MALIK-SAMA STOP THIS ORGY AT ONCE!!!!!!!!"

"And that's how Duel monsters have babies, it's pretty much the same for people too," Malik-sama said holding the Dark Magician and the Dark Magician Girl while Anzu was sitting cross legged on the floor with Yuugi.

O.O ORO!? What the!? They still have their clothes on…no orgy…ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! They were only showing her the process with the cards like I did! Ha ha ha ha ha, boy did that scare me! ;;

Ha ha ha ha ha…hooooo….

Wait a minute, why did she scream then?

"Hey Rishid I showed Anzu how babies are made! (n.n)" Malik said holding up the duel deck. "Yes, that's a good boy, is that all?" I ask and he nodded.

"Pretty much, except when I pulled down and my pants and showed her my--"

((((((((((((((O))O((O)))))))))))))))

"YOU DID WHAT!?" I exclaimed. And I then noticed that Anzu was tied up, NOT only sitting cross-legged. "Help me…" she said, her face beet red.

"Rishid I did this!" Malik-sama exclaimed happily, pulling down his pants and boxers…

"Wow he's big!" Yuugi commented.

"He is, isn't he?" Anzu also commented.

"I wonder how is it if I compare mine to his…"

O.o

o.O

Uhm...

AHHHHHHHHH MALIK-SAMA!!

"NNOOOOOO!!" I screamed out and tackled him onto the ground.

"RISHID WATCH OUT FOR THE--"

-Crunch-

"-pie I brought with me…" Anzu moaned in pain. "It took me so long to make…-.-"

"MALIK-SAMA, YOU NEVER DO THAT, EVER!!!" I shouted at him. Uh-oh…he's crying…I made Malik-sama cry…oh dear. "I-I didn't mean any harm…Rishid…." Malik sniffled as his eyes got big and watery…

-SIGH-

"It's okay, Malik-sama, but you do not show a lady your…er…tools..." Tools? That's the best I can come up with? I'm a nerd….

"Hey, this is where everyone-OH MY GOD!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY BROTHER AND A PIE!!!"

OoO

Ms. Isis is home!

!!!FLASH!!!

* * *

And we're back to where we started, people…what did I do to deserve this? I mean, haven't I sacrificed enough as it is for this family? Seriously…I SCARRED MY FREAKIN FACE FOR CRIPES' SAKE!!!!!

"That is what happened?" Isis asked. Her face was very disturbing right now…Ra save me…I heard Ms. Isis sigh, looking at Malik. "Little brother, honestly…." she began. HEY!! DON'T PICK ON MALIK-SAMA!!!

"Ms. Isis, this is entirely my fault, do not blame the children for this," I spoke to her. She raised an eyebrow at me. Pfft, don't act all high and mighty at me Isis, like you could have done a better job than I did.

"I suppose I could let this go, this once," Isis answered. YES!! I love this woman sometimes, especially when she's sun bathing in the back yard! (n.n) Er…did I just think that? -.o-....-o.- She looked to the still wigged out Anzu "I'm very sorry you had to er…see his toy soldier…."

OO And I thought I was bad at naming things….

"And I'll make up for the pie you brought for us too," she said with an amused look, aimed at me. I was not doing anything with the pie dammit!! "Actually that was for Rishid," I heard her say.

O.o For me? Really?? Miss, Anzu, I don't know what to say…I'm flattered! (non)

"GGRRRRRRR!" Oo Uh-oh, Malik-sama is staring at me with murderous eyes…Pfft, suck it up Malik-sama, Anzu made me a pie and not you so BLEAH!!! I got pie, I got pie! (n--n) Which stained on the front of my pants, but I got pie! WOOT!!

As Isis led Yuugi and Anzu out, only Malik-sama and I remained.

"Hey Rishid?"

Uh-oh….

"Yes, Malik-sama?"

C'mon kid it was just baked goods, it's not like she and I are dating, sheesh!!

"What is the meaning of life?" I let a big grin on to my face, now that I could answer.

"Well Malik-sama it's quite simple, it is 42!"

"Er…why?"

"It just is Malik-sama, it just is."

tBc

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Chapter two repost is complete yay! 2 down and five to go woot woot!

See ya!

fOX


	3. Naughty Dreams, Naughty Pharaoh

HI Ppl I am back, and you know what that means HAIL TO THE BALD ONE!! WOOT!! Little by little soon all of rishid shall be posted WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Then I can get into the good stuff, I practically have three seasons worth of Rishid in my head heh heh yes, I have no life….

I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Sephiroth, Tom Jones, or Kingdom Hearts for that matter.

* * *

It was a few days after that incident with Malik-sama and babies…I shiver just mentioning it, and everything settled down again but right now…

OH SHIT!!!

HEAL, HEAL!!!!!

(Note: he is playing Kingdom Hearts)

WHY IS THIS GUY SO FRICKIN HARD TO BEAT!?!?!?? Ah crap, soul harvest!! ELIXIR I NEED ELIXIR!! DAMN IT SORA, DON'T FLY!!! TUCK AND ROLL, TUCK AND ROLL!!!! Errr, if there is someone I truly hate, his name is Sephiroth. Look at him…with his long silver hair, aqua eyes, and cocky smile with that pretty boy face of his

…….

……

…….

……

THE BITCH MUST DIE!!!!!!!!

Here I was, I jut beat the Hercules world and unlocked the gold and platinum match and now currently trying not to get my ass capped by that one winged pussy boy, errr, I hate this guy, he killed Aeris HE KILLED AERIS and for that, I will avenge her death

But I like his song…….not just him

OH CRAP NOT AGAIN!! HEAL HEAL!!!

Oh yeah lets see how you like a key blade thrown at your face WOO-TAH!! Smashi smashi your face in!! Damn bishonen…..uh, his life isn't going down….

…….

……

…..

Crap…..

WHAT THE HELL!?? HE'S GOING SUPER SAYAN ON MY ASS!! ACK!!…..can't block him, he's everywhere…..HEAL, AEROGA!!!

Better use Clouds limit break…

HAH TAKE THAT !! Jeebus, this guy is like the terminator, he just keep walking….hey wait his life is going down…man this dude has a lot of life. SHIT NOT AGAIN!! WILL YOU STOP WITH THE DAMN SOUL HARVEST!?!?!?

"Rishid…"

HAHA WHO'S RUNNING NOW BITCH!!! AND I'M CHASING YOU!! SIC SORA SIC!!!!

"Rishid…"

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"#o#" - Rishid's face at the moment…(n-n;;)

"RISHID!!!!!"

NOT NOW!!! HE'S DOWN TO YELLOW!! A LITTLE MORE AND HE'LL GO TO GREEN!!! CRAP HE'S GOING HEERO YUY ON MY ASS!!!!

'RI-SHID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I heard Malik-sama yell. Not now Malik-sama, just a few more hours and I'll kill the bastard now if he would stop limit breaking me…..

"WWWAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

What the!? Malik-sama's crying? Why??? I turned to him to see him bawling on the ground O.O for Ra sakes man your 16!! Stop blubbering like a baby!!

"AAWWWW" a scream erupted on the TV screen, as I turned in time to see Sora fall to his demise at the hands of the one winged pussy boy.

NO SORA!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! I ALMOST BEAT THE BASTARD!!!! HE WAS GREEN, **HE WAS GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

………..

……….

………

That's it, I'm going to strangle that blonde chicken muffin (I do not on that phrase that belong to SOTR) yes, should I do it slowly or wrangle it back and forth?

"Malik-sama WHY did you do that?" I ask. My eye was twitching, my hands were clench…must resist the urge...to strangle…bishonen master….I despise bishonen…..mustn't strangle…pussy boy……MUSN'T KILL PUSSY BOY!!!!!

"I had a dream" he simply said.

…………

…………

………..

Oh screw this, he's going down!!!

"I was with Anzu" he began and I saw a slight flush on his face.

"And?"

"Uh, she did things to me…….things I liked a lot"

((O-o))

Please no, don't ask me, don't ask me… please, for the love of all that's good…

DON'T ASK ME TO EXPLAIN A WET DREAM!!!!

"Rishid…."

AH CRAP!!!!!!!!! I groaned at this while Malik-sama once again gave the cursed puppy look. Eesh, he's like a little kid….an unstable little kid but still…..but it is my duty to him….

………..

……….

……….I almost beat Sephiroth……..

I sighed, I might as well explain to him what he had, and hopefully it won't go out of hand like last time….ugh, I got a chill down my spine. "Malik-sama what you experienced is natural for a growing boy like yourself" I began. He nodded at this.

"They're known as nocturnal ejaculation"

OK, that should do it, but he looking at me with a blank face…so much for using the scientific name…ugh, why does he have to ask me these kind of _things_? Can't he just find out from friends like normal teenagers??

……….

………

OK, I see the point why he would ask me….

"You had a wet dream Malik-sama…."

"What's a wet dream?"

……..

…….

……

Well, he wasn't always the smartest one…….

I let out an exasperated sigh at this "Well, Malik-sama, you have dreams about girls you like…."I started I felt my chest tighten for a bit I really dislike father; him and his assumption on things. Why couldn't he assumed stuff with me? NOOOOOOOO he just had to drill in my head things I didn't want to know.

Must tell him….ewwww…blast me being his man slave.

Huh? Oh…Malik's just waving his hand in front of me up and down.

"I'm fine Malik-sama"

-Wave Wave-

"Malik-sama…"

-Wave Wave-

"……….."

-Wave Wave-

That is getting very annoying, if he doesn't stop that I swear I will bitch slap that pretty boy face…ugh, bishies, curse them…damn Sephiroth.

-Wave Wave-

"I'll eat your fingers like chicken nuggets if you don't stop that"

-Poke poke-

…….

"DO you want to know or not?" I said at him, grinding my teeth. He nodded with enthusiasm…ugh I got the willies again……

"Now there will be times when you dream about a certain person….in this case Anzu" I spoke. He nodded at this. Oh screw this, I'm just going to condense it. Save me some pain

"You horny?"

-nod nod-

"You like Anzu?"

-Nod nod-

"You have horny dream about her boinking you" I said. "Not exactly…" I heard him reply.

…….

QUE!?!?

What does he mean by not exactly???

I an not even going to ask...

"Yeah…she started doing amazing things with her tongue…then…her hands start touching me in ways I never thought to be touched…and then…"

"MALIK-SAMA!!!!" I yelled staring at him as my jaw gaped open. 'What!?!?! It was a turn on…" he trailed off turning his head away slightly….was I this bad when I was in his teen years….?

…….

…..

…..

……..

Like I'm going to tell you

"In short Malik-sama your desires make you have dreams where she or you will do things to each other or see things that you may like or arouse you're body" I explained to him as he hang unto every inch of my words…it's scary, seeing him like this…then again studying the scriptures of the pharaoh has made him quite a scholar…now if we only had books that actually would HELP him get through puberty and his hormone induced years….

"OOOOOHHHhhhhhhh"

Oo wow that went…well…I'm surprised to say the least.

"Question"

"yes, Malik-sama?"

"Why is it called a wet dream??"

0o

It was too good to be true……

"Erhm because…well, you get……"

…

……

Uh, I don't want to say this…eeewww…….

"Malik-sama did you wake up with soiled sheets?"

Malik-sama looked away and blush at this "That's why it's called that" I simply said. "You will have those dreams sometimes, but it's just a part of growing up" I replied to him.

EEEEWWWWWWW!!! I AM NOT WASHING THOSE!!!!!!

"Rishid, have you ever had those kinda dream when a girl you like, is doing things to you?" I heard him ask.

O.O Uh, me? Well…..uh….(cough cough) When I was his age I lived underground with Father, Mother and sister, so their was no one to dream….oh wait…..

……………

…………

…………

I use to dream about Malik-sama's Mother…..

Oo

But she was hot!!! Don't LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!! PFFT!!! how many of you guys dreamt of a hot mom? HUH?? HUH!?!???

(incest a game the whole family can play)

SILENCE!!!

( OO geez….I was just joking…..baby….)

…………..

anyways

Then their was Miss. Isis……mmmm I still dream about her every now and then though; sunbathing, I want to thank the person whoever thought of that.

"Rishid?"

Ah yes…..oh wait, I can't tell him I dream about his sister and his mom, he'll kill me and besides doesn't that count as incest? No, I don't think so because I am not of their blood it wouldn't, whoo that's good, now I know I'm not a hick

Only in West Virginia (please do not take offense to those who live in WV it's just an inside joke I have with my friend)

"When I was your age yes, yes I did"

"Not now anymore?"

……………….

……………….

………………

……………..

……………..

"No, not really…."

Like I'm going to tell him that I dream about his sister and his mother!

"Ok then, thanks Rishid, now I know why she was doing those things to me, I guess tying me up against a wall with hand cuffs, putting clamps of on my nipples and using a whip on me is normal I guess" he said now rubbing his chest wincing.

"But what I can't understand is the goat….."

Oo

……

OO

…….

I hope he doesn't come across S&M…

Quite frightening………especially if he decided to find someone to do this.

Well I'm off to sleep! I yawned as I went up the stairs to my room and flopped to my bed. Damn it, I almost beat Sephiroth…well, I'll try again tomorrow….

But before I go to rest I must do my nightly rituals.

* * *

Let us explore Rishid's nightly rituals shall we?

1- Rishid goes to brush his teeth

2- Rishid brushes his hair 200 times…freak

3- Rishid dances to Carpcaptor Sakura first season op. song

4- Rishid prays to the game god for his victory against Sephiroth tomorrow

5- Rishid cuts his toenails Oo;;;

6- Rishid plucks his nose hair while letting his facial mask dry

7-rinse lather repeat

And thus end the nightly rituals…

* * *

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

-Nudge Nudge-

"What is it now Malik-sama?"

"Wake up Rishid, it's time…."

OO ORO!?!? I snapped my eyes opened to find Isis in sexy undergarments on me

Uh-oh…….

"Awww, Isis, can I join in too?" I heard a female voice say. Oh my Ra…..ANZU!?!?!? MISS. ISIS IS ONE THING BUT MISS.ANZU IS FREAKING 16!!!

Wake up Rishid….Wake up!!!!!

"You're not going anywhere"

Uh….who said that? I looked up and I gulp both miss Isis and Anzu were in revealing outfits standing by each other…seductively…..must wipe off drool…curse them and they're sexiness!

"Girls let me have some fun too? A male voice said this time.

………..

Oo

………

oO

………

OoO

IT CAN'T BE!! NOOOO!! SOMEONE WAKE ME UP!! PLEASE WAKE ME UP!!!

"Aww, Rishid" Sephiroth said in a silky voice. I looked around must find a way out of here. All of the sudden I heard the one winged angel song playing

And he took out his sword…..

……..

…….

OO;;;;;

Ah crap this is not happening I am not having this dream!!! I suddenly felt arms go around me and breathing on my neck "Rishid, don't fight it, you know you want this" I heard Isis voice speak to me sexily. Yeah I would, if HE wasn't here!!!

Sephiroth only looked to me as he licked his lips in a Marik like way leering upon my body…

((OoO))

NOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO BE THE BUN FOR HIS HOTDOG!!!!

…….

…….

Wait a minute this is MY dream so whatever I say goes heh heh I was worried for a moment their. First things first "Punch yourself in the balls!!" I spoke to Sephiroth, a haughty grin on my face. He looked at me confused then all of the sudden…

He punch himself in the balls…..

……….

WOOT!

TAKE THAT PUSSY BOY!!! I grinned as he laid on the floor grabbing himself shuddering. Now to wake myself up n-n…O-O hey wait a minute…how come I'm chained to a wall all of the sudden?

………

………

………

………

HOLY CRAP!!!!

I felt myself sweat as I saw Isis and Anzu leering at me, Isis had a whip while Anzu….she had clamps…. OO their shoulder began to shake as they giggled…then chuckled…then laughed very evilly……..

--.-- you just HAD to mention your dream, didn't you Malik-sama….

"Uh, can't we just play go fish?"

Both shook their head as they raised their weapons OO

There's no place like home…There's no place like home…There's no place like home….

-KER-SNAPP!!!-

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

"Rishid, wake up…."

AHHHHHHHHHHH DON'T LET THEM HURT ME!!!

I look around, I was back in my room….I'm back, hahhahahaha…oh Ra, that was frightening….I wonder who woke me up? Malik-sama? I looked to my savior

OO

THE PHARAOH!?!?!??

"My pharaoh, what are you doing at this time of the night?" I ask bewildered. I saw him shift his eyes nervously…what was he doing?

"Man-slave, you dare question the pharaoh?"

OO

That he-bitch dares call me a man slave?? Technically I could get him arrested for trespassing and breaking in my home……hmmm, and the phones right buy me, now to stealthily grab it.

"Do it and I mind crush your ass"

Ah damn….him and his spirit powers….hey now that I notice…why is he wearing a mask on his face?

…………

………..

……….

Oh…….

O.o

"ARE YOU STEALING ISIS'S UNDERGARMENTS!???!?" I exclaimed looking at the bag he was carrying on his back.

"Erno…I am pharaoh….I can do as I please!" he exclaimed as a nervous sweat broke on him.

My ass

"Really now?" I ask, shifting my brows at him…that little hentai……"The what's in the bag then, my pharaoh" I ask a challenging smirk to my face as he sweated even more….ewww, have you ever heard of deodorant…or a shower at least, ugh my head….it throbs…he smells like butt…..I think I'm going to hurl on him

"Uh….it's…cats…that's it cats….."

"Pharaoh, hand me the bag"

"YOU dare DEMAND SOMETHING FROM ME!!!" he shouted. Ok this guy is seriously getting on my nerves, I

could see why Malik-sama wanted to cap his bony little anorexic ass. Well, by my oath, I must protect the Ishatr family; human or items…and lingerie..

But before I do anything else, I will need some musical motivation….

And a one

Two…..

It's not unusual to be love by anyone

It's not unusual to have fun with anyone

Oh yeah, the one the only…..

TOM JONES!!!

"Come here shorty!!"

"DO NOT MISTAKE ME WITH MY AIBOU!! YOU BALD FREAK!!"

………

He is SOOOOOO GOING DOWN!!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE BITCH MUST DIE!!!!!!!! All of the sudden I tackled him making him drop the bag and it exploded making my room very colorful. "PHARAOH!!" I yelled at him but stopped short at the sight before me.

"MARVELOUS SIMPLY MARVELOUS" he shouted out now playing with Isis….unmentionables…who knew he was such a pervert….wait a minute…are those Malik-samas….???

…………..

………….

………….

THE BITCH MUST DIE!!!!!!!!

All of the sudden I grabbed one of the pantyhose he stole and wrapped it around his neck and proceeded to strangle him with it.

"ACK PFFT!!!"

"YOU SICK MAN HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MALIK-SAMA'S UNDERWEAR!!!"

"Rishid what are you--WHAT THE HELL" Malik suddenly said flabbergast.

Oo uh oh….

(This is how it look from the third person P.O.V. Rishid has one leg wrapped around Atemu choking him with the pantyhose while Atemu who had just been knocked unconcious due to lack of air has fallen on Rihsid's crotch...his face anyways while Isis and Maliks underwear is all over his room)

"It's not what you think!!" I exclaimed trying to push Atemu off but somehow our legs were trapped in the folds of one of Isis's thongs...

Wait....those aren't Isis's....

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

"Rishid what with the racket- WHAT THE HELL--$&#$(#$#($($()$#&$(#&(#$!!!!!

Heh heh

Miss Isis is awake

………

………

Why does this happen to me, oh wait a minute…because those damn reviewers want to see me suffer and the author is a friggin psycho….

TbC

* * *

Yaaayyyy three more to go ! Though now that Malik and Rishid has gone back does that mean I should making this and all my other M/A?

Naaaah, someone needs to keep that pairing alive n-n;;

See yah

fOX


	4. Birth of Man Man Revolution

Hiya peeps finally ch.4 but if you read the other fics I manage to update then you know why -o-; but thank you for you patience and for those who need a refresh in memory the statistics!

First the statistics!

And in fear of getting deleted for chat format even though its author notes (-.-) it's gonna be in third person….as much as possible anyway…

ReviewsWAS 307 until the fic got deleted and all became lost…but now with reposting it is slowly climbing, currently 87, I think.

Rishid hates The ever-evil bisshieSEPHIROTH! Among other things but that' the first on the list that and bishonen…

"IT **BEEP**ING MESS UP! ALL THE **BEEP**ING GUYS IN YU-GI-OH ARE **BEEP**ING BISSHIES EXCEPT FOR ME! EVEN **BEEP**ING SHADI IS **BEEP**ING BETTER LOOKING THAN I AM!" Rishid yelled.

Moving on…er hey, Croquet bandit Keith and Kimo are BUTT ugly so don't be so mad you're not alone

**Rishid likes** Rpg's FF games, kingdom hearts, sailor moon, singing in the shower (((OO)), chocolate, BEER! Unfortunately Isis doesn't let him have any because he has LOW alcohol tolerance, wax to make his head all shiny, Serving under Malik-sama (O.O….YEAH FREAKING RIGHT! WHO WANT TO SERVE UNDER HIM! I WILL NOT WASH TOILETS FOR HIM!) YAOI! Just kidding…. But he does like American pie, and pies if you get my drift hee hee (To understand please read chapter 2, the after math O&P)

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING GET INTO YOUR SKULLS ALREADY! AND NO I AM NOT INTERESTED IN JOINING THE RICHARD SIMMONS "I'M A PONY A PRANCING PONY" CULT!

ON TO THE FIC!

* * *

Ow 

Ow

Ow

Ow

(Crack)

OOWWWWW!

RA DAMN IT! Why am I saying ow over and over you ask? Well, do you remember the incident last time that ended up with Atem and I covered in Isis and Malik's underwear? Well, my broken leg is what I have to show for trying to protect the Ishtar dignity.

………….

…………..

………….

………….

MY ASS! THEY FREAKING ABUSE ME FOR RA SAKES!

Well, at least Malik threw the pharaoh out of the window, now THAT was funny but it was after Isis broke my leg…ow…ow…ow…. Well it couldn't be worse…

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RA F**BEEP**ING DAMN IT!"

"Nee-san what's wrong?"

"GET THE F**BEEP** AWAY FROM ME! YOU CALL THIS RA F**BEEP**ING CLEAN DISHES! THIS CUP HAS A F**BEEP**ING SPOT ON IT!"

(SMASH!)

"Nee-san put the vase down!"

"DON'T YOU F**BEEP**ING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

(**SMASH!)**

OO

oO

o.--

--.--

Great…Isis is PMSing again…ugh…. A fate worse than death; being in her way while she has cramps I shiver just thinking about it…

"RISHID HEEELLLLLP!"

(SMASH!)

"SIS PUT DOWN THE KNIFE!"

"YOU CALL THIS A--AHHHHHHHH RA DAMN CRAMPS! I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!"

OO Oh no! Malik-Sama is in horrible danger I must save him before Isis forgets about the knife and decides to use the blender instead…like she did last time with Malik's pet fish homer!

Oh poor Homer….

* * *

Flash back

* * *

"Homer, here's you fish food!" Malik exclaimed happily, the flakes of fish pellets going down, and happy little Homer swam up. Malik watch him in amazement and the fish stare back at him. 

"Yo kid, hook me up? This isn't fitting for a sexy beast like me"

"What?" Malik spoke amazed that his pet fish was talking to him "Yo dawg, hook me up; this fish wants some high Yo" Homer stated. Malik just blinked.

"You can talk!"

"Thanks for stating the obvious idiot" Homer replied. Malik frown "I think I like you better when you didn't talk you crack head fish"

"Yo yo you know how to stab a brotha, master let me give some 411; don't loot the pooty" homer advise. "Speak Japanese please" Malik sighed.

"Never hurt ya motha, and never mess with peoples hearts, it ain't cool manipulating"

Malik look away "that's in the past…"

"True dat dawg don't make the same mistakes and don't be playin women either, they may be bitches at times but they still be brothas and sistahs yo"

"Wow, you are a very wise fish" Malik said. "True dat now get me some WEED!" he froze. Malik's brow rose in concern "What's wrong Homer…?"

"Speaking of bitches at times…your sistah's right be hind you…"

Malik turned around and gulped, here eye's were dilated a blood aura radiated from her "Malik dear brother, did you leave this cup of milk out…?" she ask eerily calm.

"Uh…yes…"

Isis said nothing; she marched past Malik and grabbed a hold of the fish ball where homer was. Without a word she walk into the kitchen, horrified Malik ran after her then…

(VRRRRRRRRRRRR)

"HOMMMMMEEERRRRRRR!"

* * *

End flash back

* * *

What a horrible way to die…though if I help him now I could have that same fate.

………….

………….

…………

Should I?

"Of course you should Rishid you must prooooteeeccct Malik-saammaaaa…."

O.O ORO? Where did that voice come from?

"Riiiiigggghhhht herrreeee…"

Where?

"Hhhheeeeerrrrrreeeee"

Er, you have to give a better description besides hereeeee…

"(SIGH) Look down on your right shoulder dumbass"

Oh…ok…my eyes went down to my shoulder…O.O WHAT THE HELL IS RYOU DOING ON MY SHOULDER?

_"Hey there old chap "_

…………..

…………

…………

"Er Ryou? Why are you in a dress?"

"BLOODY FREAKIN HELL WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY IT'S A DRESS! IT'S A TOGA! TOGA!"

"Why do you have a harp?"

"………It's not a harp, it's a lyre!"

OK, I must be hallucinating; there is no way Ryou is on my shoulder with a halo on his head and angel wings in a dress--

"TOGA SHIT ASS! TOGA! AND I'M YOU'RE DAMN CONSCIENCE!"

Damn…who knew Ryou was such a potty mouth…wait Ryou's my conscience?

"Er, why are you here?" I ask to the mini Ryou on my shoulder. The angel Ryou gave me a look _"What do you think? You can't leave Malik-sama alone with Isis you know how volatile she is when she has her…er…lady days…."_

I only know from so many experiences growing up with her…. And when both mother and sister had it…. Father left me alone with them while he locked himself in the library

…………

……….

………….

………

I hope the devil has a pitchfork up the old bastards ass!

"Rishid"

Oh yeah Angel Ryou is still here and giving me an annoyed look…. Hmmmm this Ryou doesn't act like the big Ryou…interesting…

"Rishid, you're still here"

So?

"…GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR AND SAVE YOU MASTER MAN BITCH!"

((O.O))

I wonder if angel Ryou is not pmsing himself…

"…I heard that…"

Oo I should go before you hurt me right?

" -.- What do you think?"

O.- and away-y-y- I go!

As I walk into the valley of death I will fear no evil…SCREW THAT! The kitchen, it's there where the demon lies…Isis…I took a deep breathe as I cautiously stepped into the kitchen; it was in shambles…I guess her cramps got that powerful, now, where is Malik-sama?

"Why should you care? You're only going to get beat up again"

Ryou?

"YOU IDIOTIC MORTAL! DON'T YOU DARE CONFUSE ME WITH MY PUNY AIBOU!"

Er…where are you?

Look down

O.O

O.-

-.-

Ra save me…

"What the hell are you gawking at?"

Now there's a mini Bakura on my left shoulder…last time I sniff from the trash can ( OO ) er and why is he wearing all leather, and has horns…and a tail…and demon wings…with a pitchfork? This can't be good…

"Bah just leave the pussy boy to fend from that bitch and ditch this dump, there's a whore house a few houses down, what do you say?"

-.- what are you suppose to be?

"I'm your conscious! Well, the evil side kukukukukukukukuku!"

O.- I see…but I shouldn't really leave Ma--

"RA MAN MALIK. MALIK. MALIK! It's always about him! How about you? When are you going to do something for you!"

Hmmm, demon Bakura has a point…

"Of course I do! I'm always right and don't you forget that! Now I say you leave him to suffer!"

But I have--

FORGET THAT! LEAVE HIM TO SUFFER AND CHASE SOME WHORES NOW!** OR YOU WILL HAVE A PINEAPPLE SHOVE UP YOUR BUTT LIKE HITLER, DO YOU WANT THAT?**"

No sir….OO

O.O I wonder if he's pmsing also…but he has a point, I've done enough for that family as it is,

"Rishid, shame on you!"

GRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTT! Angel Ryou is back…he looks a bit pissed at demon Bakura…"Bakura, you vile fiend, trying to lead Rishid to the path of darkness" Ryou spoke.

"Peh, the path of darkness is MUCH better than leading him down the path of gayness, you fruit!"

"Hmph and I suppose he would rather eat raw meat like you do?"

Excuse me guys!

"At least I have SEX APPEAL!"

Guys…

"AT LEAST I HAVE DIGNITY!"

Guys…

"WAHAHAHAHAHA DIGNITY? FOR RA SAKES MAN YOU'RE IN A FREAKING DRESS HOLDING A PANSY ASS HARP!"

OO uh-oh…

"……………………………..."

O.O this does not bode well….

"This…is…a…TOGA! THAT'S IT YOU MAN BITCH I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS ALL THE WAY TO THE RIVER STYX!"

"Like to see you try you pansy! What are you going to do? Play a sour note on that harp of yours? Flash me with the dress!"

OO uh, Ryou has a dangerous red aura around him, that's bad…he looks like he's going to explode…now he's flying to Bakura…with his harp…I wonder what's he

…………

……….

……….

………….Oh…………..

O.O; I think it's time for me to leave…and away I go! As I ran into the kitchen I could vaguely hear Bakura screams of pain and Ryou's psychotic laughter…these are the people who tell me what's right and what's wrong OO…-- no wonder Malik -sama always had the upper hand…and speaking of Malik sama where is he?

Dun dun dun dun dundun, dun dun dun dun dun…DUNANAA, DUNANAA dunnan dun dun dun……

Hour one, log one…I am now in the stronghold of the she-devil…Your mission me, if you choose to accept it, is to find your master and bring him back to safety while trying to calm down the hell spawn aka Isis! This mental note well make you temporarily dumb in

5

4

3

2

(DOOSH!)

;.; Owwies…I ran into a wall…O.O uh….

"RISHID HEEELLLLLLLLP!"

"ISIS WHAT THE HELL!" I exclaimed mortified. It was surreal…Malik was hogtied and currently spinning on a spit with a fire below him while Isis had tribal markings all over her with a stick that had an impaled teddy bear on it…

Wait a minute…

THAT'S MY TEDDY BEAR!

"Oh great Ra, Horus and Set…I offer you my brother as a sacrifice to you oh great ones" Isis began to chant waving the staff over Malik- Sama. "In exchange for my brother I wish for Midol, that is all!"

……………..

OO

……………

-.-

Sigh….

This always happens…when she has PMS…when she doesn't go into bitch mode, she tries to use me or Malik as a sacrifice to the gods above to stop her cramps…last time it was me…

…………..

…………..

………………

…………..

What was I doing again? Oh yeah, Malik-sama!

Now, be vewy vewy quiet, I'm going to twackle Isis, huhuhuhuhuhu (feeble attempt of Elmer Fudds laugh….)

Tip toe…tip toe…. that's it Isis keep smearing the chicken blood on Malik-sama…you don't know I'm here…tip toe…

"CRACK"

OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW! My leg just popped back into place…

I mean…

((O-O)) AW CRAP!

"YOU!"

OO I've been found out…abort the mission abort the mission!

Isis turned to me, her eyes an evil glint while she held her stomach in pain, her cramps must have gotten downright horrible by now. I begin to back away, a cold sweat broke out as I stared at the half sane woman now pointing at me and speaking gibberish while holding the staff which held my teddy bear impaled upon it.

"You. Man Slave. Sacrifice to gods. Make cramps go away!"

O.O

…Uh-huhhh……….. Think fast think fast, last time I didn't make it…er….

"Isis, now calm down, you needn't sacrifice Malik-sama and I."

"YOU RA F**BEEP**ING SPEAK TO ME!"

OO; er…

"Now Isis, I can get Midol for you! Just let me go the pharmacy store…." I spoke. I hope what left of her common sense heard me…or Malik-sama and I are going to end up like Homer. Isis jumped onto the table and sat cross-legged upon it. "Hmmmm, you bring Midol from this pharmacy store you speak of" she spoke. I quickly nodded my head "That right Isis, be a good girl and Rishid will make the cramps go away" I spoke.

"You will and if not…" She began. She took my teddy bear off the staff…and ripped its head off…and swallowed it whole…

NNNNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

SNUGGLES! OH THE HUMANITY! WHY OH WHY! HAS RA FORSAKEN ME? WHHHHHHYYYYYYYY? MY ONLY FRIEND HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM ME! WHAT IS THEIR LEFT TO LIVE FOR RA? TELL ME!

(Sniff sniff)

Say something smells good (Sniff sniff) I can't put my finger on it but it smells….

…………

…………

Bisshie?

……………

…………..

****

MALIK-SAMA!

* * *

Later in the day

* * *

(ssssiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhhh) 

This always has to happen to me. Well, at least I got Malik-sama away from her; he came with me to the pharmacy store right now.

"Rishid, why are we going to the pharmacy store?"

"We're going to get something to help Isis calm down" I spoke; he gave me a questioning look. "What?" he ask. My shoulders slightly slump; I suppose telling him wouldn't kill me "We're getting some Midol for her, so she won't act as psychotic. That way, she won't sacrifice us to Ra Horus and Set, like she does every month" I explain to him.

"Rishid, why does she act like that every month?"

"Because she has PMS"

"What's Pms?"

This sounds so familiar….but I can't put my finger on it…

"Pre Menstrual Syndrome" I replied. We entered the store I let out another sigh as I went to aisle seven, yes **_that_** aisle…

Women's feminine products…

I shiver upon entering it, lets see where's the Midol…as I walk casually around I look to Malik-sama, his eyes wide and full of curiosity, I forgot, this was his first time going into the women's aisle, usually we left him at home because he was _prone _to trouble…and he began picking and touching things.

OO er….

"Malik -sama don't touch any of that stuff" I spoke. He suddenly got a hold of a box "Hey Rishid what are Maxi-pads?"

OoO;

"Malik-sama put that back" I spoke, He nodded and put it back in place, only to get something else "Hey why those this aisle have these long cotton balls, and why are they in different varieties?" he ask again comparing a pad to a pantiliner.

Oh sweet Ra…

"Malik-sama…" I began. I sigh and picked up the Midol.

"Hey Rishid, what's a tampon?"

OO

…. Now I remember…oh no the flashbacks…the horrible, horrible flash backs…why me? WHHHHHHHHHYYYY?

(RIIIIIP)

O.o

"What the hell is this?' Malik-sama spoke, looking at the tampon strangely…oh sweet lord…now he's opening it, "Er Rishid…" he ask his face confused as he held it by it's string now, people began looking at us…someone please shoot me….

"MALIK-SAMA DON'T TOUCH THAT!"

"Hey, is this a q-tip?" he ask now wiping his ear with it.

……………..

…………….

EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

He look around "Hey, Rishid why do girls need all this strange stuff?"

No no no no not again…not again….

He turned to me; his eyes were now big and sparkly…NNNNOOOOOOOOOO! THE EVIL PUPPY FACE OF DOOM! NO! I MUST BE STRONG! I MUST NOT SUCCUMB TO THE SPARKLY EYES!

………………

……………..

……………

……………

(SSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH) who am I kidding, no one can escape from that, I wish Yuugi didn't teach him that…that evil munchkin….

"Well, you see Malik-sama" I began he look to me; now in full attention O.O does he always have to get like that? "Women use these pads because of their menstrual cycle they have," I explain. There, that's simple enough…

o.O

"Malik-sama"

o.O

"Malik-sama, do you understand?"

O.o

"Of course…leave it to Ra to have me endure humiliation " I muttered to myself. "Malik-sama it's for their period" I said simply.

"Oh…what's a period?"

O.O ………no I am not going to explain THAT! No way no how!

"You must Rishid, you must answer Malik Sama…"

OO

……….

-.-

Oh no…why are you here? I sighed as I look at the angel Ryou; yes he was back O.O er, what happen to his …

"Don't ask, now explain it to him"

Fine but you owe me an explanation.

"You see Malik-sama, there are many words to describe a period. Lady days, on the rag, the horrible dot, four days of male castration, the list can go on…"

Oh man this isn't something I DON'T WANT TO EXPLAIN! Hey angel Ryou can't Isis explain it to him?

"No"

Why not?

"Because he ask you not Isis"

……………..

You're mean….

"I'm your conscience, tough love baldy."

Will you stop calling me that?

"No"

………..Meanie…hey what happen to the evil one?

"You will find out soon enough…heh heh heh."

-- I don't want to know…anyways.

"Well Malik-sama you see girls have eggs--"

"They're chickens?" he exclaim his eyes all bugged eye. OO; uh "No, they're not chickens Malik-sama"

"B-But you said…"

"Yes, they do have eggs but they're not the kind that chickens have!" I explain to him. He look at me "You see, women have these eggs call **ova** in their bodies, usually located at the pelvis near the lower abdomen" I explain to him "So, it's there?" he ask pointing to his pelvis I nodded at this.

"How?"

"Well you see er, it's what helps them able to have a baby…"

Oh crap do I need to explain it to him with Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl again?

"Oh, okay but what do the eggs have to do with Isis being a bitch for the next week?" he ask then he pointed to the pads "And why do they need these weird things?"

Do I really have to explain it?

"Well…"

I stop I notice that a lot of the women stop and were staring at us, that and the fact that Malik-sama begin to put the tampon cases on his fingers saying he was Edward tampon fingers over and over…

" n.n Look Rishid I'm Edward Tampon fingers!"

OO

"Don't do that please…it's embarrassing…." I spoke. He only snorted at this "So, why do girls need these things call maxi pads anyways?" he ask.

GULP!

"Well…er…you see Malik-sama…every month these eggs er wait…to get fertilize…"

"By what?'

O.O DANG IT! I thought I could get away without explain this to Malik…le sigh…

"Just whisper it in his ear stupid"

-.- why don't you do so smart ass

"Hey do you want a harp shoved up your ass like Bakura?"

O.O no…

I whispered it to his ear I pulled back and he look at me with a amazed expression "oh…." he could only manage to say. "When it doesn't happen the babies to be…eh…they die…" I spoke. Malik eyes widen and he slightly paled "They…. They die…how?" he ask. Uh-oh…please don't cry Malik-Sama you're a grown boy…

Er…ok Rishid get a hold of yourself "They explode--" I began but stop; Malik-sama doesn't look well …

"Those poor babies" he spoke to himself…."Well Malik-sama technically they're not babies…not until they get fertilized anyways…" I explain to him. He look to me "So, the babies die every month then?" he ask. O.O uh this is getting weird…

"Er, yeah, and when it happens the women don't feel to well so they need things like Midol and pads to help them feel better…because the body throws out the unnecessary fluids and--"

"HOW COULD THEY?"

O.O huh?

Malik-sama had his fists clench while he look around the women "HAVE YOU NO SHAME?" He shouted to them.

OO uh-oh…

"Malik-sama, calm down" I began but he was ignoring me "BABY KILLERS ALL OF YOU! MAY YOU RECEIVE THE FIVE CUTS!" he snarled pointing his finger at all the passing women.

(((OoO))) Angel Ryou what do I do?

"This was unexpected…. Try to calm him down…"

Great advice…

"Quiet man bitch"

"Now Malik-sama they don't mean to--" I began. "ALL OF YOU SHOULD BE DISGUSTED, KILLING YOUR CHILDREN! MAY ANUBIS PLACE FINAL JUDGMENT ON YOU ALL!" he began to rant. I swallowed hard; why does he always have to make a scene, uh-oh…all of the women are giving him murderous looks…

"HEY! LETS SEE YOU TRY TO HANDLE CRAMPS, BLOATING, AND MOOD SWINGS EVERY MONTH WHILE HAVING TO WEAR A DIAPER!" one of them retorted.

"IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY! JUST GET A HOTDOG FOR YOUR BUN!" Malik-sama shouted back.

…………………..

………………….

I don't know if I'm too appalled or to mortified right now…

"Malik-sama we're going NOW!" I exclaimed dragging him away from the aisle while the women were giving us threatening gestures.

"That's horrible Rishid, so horrible, I can't believe Isis is a murderer! You must have sex with her immediately!"

O.O

WE WO WO WHA WHA? I look to him he had a gleam in his eyes "RISHID WE MUST SAVE THE CHILDREN! WE MUST FERTILIZE EVERY EGG EVERY FEMALE HAS!" he shouted on the top of his lungs. Oh great Ra…everyone stop and began staring at us…make an excuse make an excuse…. Er….

"Don't mind my little brother, he's not well in the head" I spoke.

What? It's true; may we say Yami Malik people?

Everyone went back to what they were doing. Phew, that was close. Where did Malik-sama go? I lost Malik-sama? Oh crap!

"MY FELLOW MEN LEND ME YOUR EARS!"

OO it couldn't be could it?

………

…

………

…

-.- Of course…OO wait a minute he's not…I turn to look to the origin of the voice, indeed it was Malik-sama and he manage to get himself to stand on top if a pyramid of toilet paper O.O this does not bode well

"Indeed"

"MY FELLOW MEN! I CALL FOR YOUR AIDE! THE UNBORN CHILDREN WITHIN THE FEMALE DIE EACH MONTH! THIS IS DISGUSTING REVELATION TO ME! SO I HEED YOU! TO ENSURE THE LIVE OF THOSE NOT BORN WE MUST HAVE HOT HOT SEX WITH EVERY FEMALE ON THE PLANET!"

OO

……………………

OO

……………………

He's a pretty good speaker. All the men began to shout in unison "In hot sex we trust" -- why does this always happen? "WHO WILL JOIN ME?" He shouted.

"MALIK I SHALL JOIN YOUR CAUSE WHICH HAS SEXY RESULTS!"

Hey who said that? Oh, Otogi? O.O grrreeeaaaaat sure, give him more encouragement…(sigh) Malik help Otogi up the toilet paper pyramid. "MEET THE FIRST WHO SHALL JOIN MY CAUSE!" Malik shouted while Otogi held a fist up in the air. He turned to me "RISHID YOU MUST JOIN THE GOOD FIGHT!" Malik exclaim to me. O.O uh…all the men turn to look at me "yes join us" they said in unison.

…………

…………

Er Ryou…

"Hey hot sex, I'm not complaining "

O.O you're definitely not the Ryou I know….

"Hey Rishid, what's going on?"

I turn around "Miss, Anzu?" I exclaim. "I had to get some things," she said. "Um what are Malik and Otogi doing?" she ask.

"Well, I tried to explain to him about PMS it didn't turn out well…." I answer. She giggled at this "Oh, Rishid you suffer so much" she said with a sympathetic smile. I chuckled at this "I guess…" I said with a sigh, all of the sudden everything didn't seem to be so bad until…

"BRING THAT GIRL TO ME!"

O.O huh? Before I knew it, Anzu was swept through a large crowd until she was on top of the pyramid with Malik-Sama and Otogi, Malik-Sama all of the sudden got a hold of her waist "MEN BEHOLD! SHE SHALL BE THE FIRST OF MANY I SHALL SAVE BY HAVING MANY HOURS OF HOT HOT SEX WITH HER!" he shouted to them while all the men cheered then…

"HENTAI!" Anzu snap and kneed him in the stomach ouch…O.O uh-oh …

All of the sudden he lost his balance causing a domino effect with Otogi and Anzu, causing the giant pyramid of toilet paper to come down, it was unreal, all the screaming, yelling, while the toilet paper came crashing down…. I quickly ran through the crowd seeing Malik-sama rubbing his ass in pain. Immediately I grabbed him by the ear while he yelp and proceed to pull him away from the store.

"OOOWWWWWWWIIIIIEEEEESSSS IT HURTS RISHID!" he complain.

No shit dumb ass, why does this always happen! Good thing I got him out unnoticed before the cops came.

"Hey Rishid?'

"Malik-sama I'm in no mood to talk to you right now, what you did was…absolutely, positively--"

"We forgot to get the Midol for Isis…"

…………..

…………

………..

I need a beer…

TbC


End file.
